WARNING!!!!

Next time you are going to Target to buy a birthday present for the neighbor kid DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT lean over the small child in front of you to grab the Star Wars Lego set. Because you just MIGHT drop the damn thing on his head. And then you MIGHT just feel so bad you grab him and hug him and scream "OH I AM SO SORRY." And his family just MIGHT be laughing their rumpases off at you. And the boy just MIGHT look at you like you are one crazy lady. And your mom....well she just MIGHT be standing over there laughing as tears stream down her face.

That's all.

Three "Funnies" From the Mouth of Eli

1.) The other day when we went to see Horton Hears a Who there is this scene where Horton is trying to save Whoville from the evil Vlad and has to climb this HUGE slate cliff and Eli leans over to me and says...."Now THAT is what I call climbing a Weal Wock Wall!!"

2.) Eli has officially QUIT baseball. He cries EVERY time we have to go...he doesn't like it he says. I told him that he must follow through with the commitments he has made. To which he replied..."YOU made those commitments Mom, YOU signed me up." And so baseball is over.

3.) The other day when we went to visit Nonie after getting out of the hospital she wanted to show the boys the bruise from where she got this horrible blood thinner shot in her stomach. (Keep in mind she was in her night shirt because she still didn't feel well at all and had been sleeping most of the day.) She said, "LOOK at this boys, look at this huge ugly bruise from where I got a shot!!!" She lifted up her night shirt to show the ugliest bruise on the planet and Eli's eyes got as big as saucers and he said...."Yeah Nonie, but WHY aren't you wearing any pants?" (I'm sure this is because he's not used to seeing me sleep in anything but shorts and a shirt and for SURE my panties aint panites like Nonie's...they are big ole WHITE TENTS.) He was amazed.

And those are my three for the day...from the mouth of Eli.

NO Sunday Photo Favorites...

...THIS week. Just had a little scare with Mom in the hospital. All is well and no need to worry, just didn't get around to taking a lot of pictures what with the trip to the hospital AND Mac being out of town.

What we DID get was a funny bloggin' story while waiting in the ER #C5 down at the Seton South Austin or whatever they are calling it nowadays....them Catholics own the entire hospital world in Austin, don't they? :)

ANYHOO....

While waiting the the ER #C5...because there were no available rooms...along came an ER nurse that frantically said they were going to have to borrow a portion of the room "just real quick". IN WHEELED MS. WASHINGTON Y'ALL...and from there, it was non-stop hilarious. The conversation went a little something like this:

Ms. Washington: Oh Oh Oh.

Nurse "Pretty Man" did I mention he was gorgeous? : Ms. Washington, what seems to be the problem?

Ms. Washington in her best Mushmouth from Fat Albert Voice: Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba.

Nurse "Pretty Man": WHAT?

Ms. Washington: Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba.

Nurse "Pretty Man": WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Ms. Washington: I SAID I'm hurting!!! (kinda slurry-like now, but certainly able to get her point across)

Nurse "Pretty Man" huff and puff: Ms. Washington, I do understand that you are hurting, but that doesn't mean you cannot enunciate your words. Now wake up and talk to me Ms. Washington.

(OH NO HE D'INT!!!! At this point Tony and I are rolling with laughter. And if Y'all knew my brother Y'all..you would totally understand how hard it was not to laugh uncontrollably RIGHT OUT LOUD as he was squeezing his eyes shut SO hard with the "holding back".)

Nurse "Pretty Man": Now Ms. Washington, what seems to be the problem? Why are you here today?

Mushmouth...I mean Ms. Washington: Chest pains. OHHHHHHHHH.

Nurse "Pretty Man": Chest pains Ms. Washington? Have you had them before?

Ms. Washington: Yes, all day.

Nurse "Pretty Man" huff: NO, MS. WASHINGTON....I mean BEFORE today.

Ms. Washington: I don't know.

Nurse "Pretty Man": You don't KNOW Ms. Washington?

Ms. Washington: Yes, I mean yes. A couple of months ago.

Nurse "Pretty Man" y'all, he didn't SAY it outloud, but I SWEAR I telepathically heard him saying to himself in his own head..."YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME LADY!: Did you have your heart looked at, Ms. Washington?

Ms. Washington: They said I was fine.

Nurse "Pretty Man": THEY? So you had your heart looked at Ms. Washington? Did you have chest x-rays done Ms. Washington?

Ms. Washington: I don't know.

Nurse "Pretty Man": Did you have a stress test done Ms. Washington? Did THEY do a stress test on you?

Ms. Washington: I don't know. I don't remember.

Nurse "Pretty Man": MS. WASHINGTON...you've had chest pains before and THEY checked you out, but you have no idea if they did a stress test on you? Does it hurt when I push right here? and thank the Lord that curtain was there, because at this point, he could have very well been "pushing" on her throat...

Ms. Washington: OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH. Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba.

Nurse "Pretty Man": It does? It hurts when I push right here?

Ms. Washington: I couldn't see her because of the curtain and all, but I just KNOW she sat right up in her bed as she clear as day hollared out....YES!!! (silence.....) Oh yeah, and I had a hysterectomy two weeks ago.

(I canNOT look over at my brother y'all. I just canNOT.)

Nurse "Pretty Man": You had a hysterectomy TWO weeks ago Ms. Washington, and you are just now remembering this? Why did you have that procedure done Ms. Washington?

Ms. Washington: Too much bleeding.

Nurse "Pretty Man": You could possibly have a blood clot Ms. Washington. Is there any swelling in your legs?

Ms. Washington: Yes.

Nurse "Pretty Man": Which one?

Ms. Washington: This one. Oh and this one...and....

Nurse "Pretty Man": You mean both legs Ms. Washington? Both legs have swelling?

Ms. Washington: Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba.

Nurse "Pretty Man": Ms. Washington? Ms. Washington?

Ms. Washington: OHHHHHHH, blech, gag, cough. OOOOOOOHHHHH....

(And y'all I couldn't quite understand what she was saying, but it was along the lines of something about her getting sick all over herself and I don't know what all else because I plugged up my ears so tight I couldn't even hear myself think Y'all. And then, I had to close my eyes REAL tight because when I looked up at Tony, I think I spewed my laugh all over him...but then I got to thinking about the smell...what about the smell???? I was ALREADY plugging up everything I could...but then by divine intervention or whatever it may have been, I magically heard Nurse Pretty Man through all my efforts of plugging...)

Nurse "Pretty Man": Breaker Breaker Nurses Station, get this woman some more morphine and get her out of here.

NIIIIIIIIIICE Y'all. May I never experience the world of drugs and having to go to an ER to get more.

And Y'all....that was just ONE incident that I had to endure. Mom and Tony and Shelly heard probably 800 more throughout the night.

Nice to know you can find some humor in a hospital when you are worried to death.

So glad Mom is doing better. So glad she is home and safe. So glad that Tony and Shelly could be there with her when she needed them most. So glad it's over.

Hasta La Vista Ms. Washington...May I never haver to "hear" you again!!

Domestic Goddess, I am NOT

I guess at the ripe old age of 36 I just need to come to the realization that NO, I'm not a good housekeeper. Sure, I might have high hopes of becoming one someday....but "someday" has just never come.

I can work from sun up til sun down both Saturday and Sunday and my house can be spic and spanish :) and I have a mess the size of Texas not only in one room but ALL rooms just one short hour later.

And it's not just the three little tots in my house...it's the big tot too. He is just as bad as the rest of 'em. WHAT is a girl to do?

And instead of just accepting it I go LOCO CRAZY GIRL on all of them. Last night Fisher's eyes were the size o' mars watching me spin out of control. I think he finally got it that I needed help. Maybe it was the little one-liner I added that if the house didn't somehow get clean I might not ever come home again. Hm. Am I a freak, er what?

I can't do it on my own Y'all. I simply cannot keep up with the energy and ability to "make mess" of four male types in my house!!! Not to mention the doggies that decide when the boys leave their napkins on the floor they should tear everything into microtiny pieces from Dallas to San Antonio. My word.

Should I obtain the aide of a professional again? Or maybe even some anti-anxiety drugs which will just continue to add to the goal of 300 lbs I am fastly approaching? OR....maybe I should just live like that and not give a rat's rump any more? Though...I've tried that last one and just when I think I'm okay with living in a heap of trash some maternal mommy instinct thing kicks in and I think to myself...."Oh Lord, please don't let anyone see this, I believe they might take my children away if they saw what a pighole we live in."

So, just in case you're one of those mommies that I envy having a clean house and you are really not that, you are really a closet pigster like the Russell family...please indulge me so that I may feel normal and not all cuckoobird. Because Y'all....I think I might just be cracking up a bit Y'all. Well, not that I haven't been cracking for a while, I think I just might have finally broke all the way in two. LAWD.

Sunday Photo Favorites #5

Fun with Flowers on Friday

So Sonia let me have the leftover flowers the other night because...well she's just a good friend and she knew they were my favorite. Thank you LaSonja!!

I wanted pictures of the boys with them because...well because I don't have anything pink in my house and so I gotta FORCE it somehow or another!!

Here's Eli's turn:



And...here's tha Fish-man (whatta ham, huh?):



And Sully...



And well, Mac wouldn't let me take a picture of him...but he sure had to step in and take one of me....



Anyway....we had fun. Just goes to show ya...sometimes you need a little PINK in your house!!

Rub A Dub Dub....

...Two Farts in a Tub!!!




Now WHY on Earth can they not be this "angelic" for the entire bath experience? My least favorite kid task of the day. I don't know what it is about it, but I've never liked it...not even when they were babies. I just hate to get all wet right along with them. It's like I'm gonna melt or something...and we ALL know that aint gonna happen!!

When you can turn out a picture like this though, it may just be worth getting wet from nose to toes.

Well, at least ONE night anyway.

How'd Ya Get So Cute?

Okay, so I know that he's my kid and all...but I really don't think that's why I think he's so cute. I mean, even if he was your kid, I'd think he was cuter than my kid, but he's not your kid...he's my kid!! HA!!!

Anyway. He's cute and precious and he's my Eli.

The "BOOGIE" Man...

So one day when I was buckling Sullivan into his car seat, I noticed a little "sleep" in his eye. I started to clean him up just like every good mommy does and when he asked what I was doing, I simply said "Oh, getting the sleep out of your eye." To which Sullivan replied, "It's not SLEEP Mommy, it's a booger. And every time I'm asleep Fisher and Eli sneak over and put them in my eyes."

I was laughing so hard, I'm not sure he heard me when I tried to explain that wasn't it at all and that it was from "sleep", not his brothers. They may pick on Sully from time to time but for heaven's sake they are not THAT mean! :)

Do they keep entertaining you like this for the rest of their lives...because I'm going to miss it like crazy if it ever goes away!!

WE'RE BACK!!!

Yes, we went on a cruise. Yes, it was amazing. YES, I am glad I am back. I missed my boys like crazy. My saint of a mom watched them for SEVEN days!!! Holy Molasses!!

Some highlights of the trip:

1.) Flat Stanley...he joined us in almost every picture. My cousin's little girl (Calee) asked me to do her school project with her where you take Flat Stanley with you and tell of your time with him. Well, I hope she has the best project ever, because there will be tons of pictures of him in Jamaica, Cayman and Cozumel!!! Yay Stanley!

2.) How MUCH Mac loved hangining with Flat Stanley.

3.) JAMAICA was my favorite port. The beach was the most beautiful I have ever seen. Though Blue Lagoon, Bahamas 11 years ago was a close second. I want to go back to Jamaica Mon!!

4.) Spending time with Mac, Kim, Troy, Michelle and Jerry. WHAT A BLAST!! Thanks guys!!

5.) My Jamaican Mama - Latoya. Boy, did she take care of us!! We miss you Mama!

6.) Our new memories.

And here are just a few pictures from our trip!! Enjoy!

The Day Before Our Cruise...

You'll get a kick outta this one, Y'all.

So, Mac and I thought we would go get "Mystic Tan" a couple of times before our cruise so that we might not get burned SO bad....well - most of us know the God awful smell you come home with when you tan.

The first time Eli said to me... "Mommy, what IS that smell? Where did you get that?"

Well, today I was going to go tan for the last time before we leave for our cruise. Here is what the little man had to say today:

Eli: Mommy, where are you going?
Me: To tan.
Eli: You gonna go get that smell again? You smell like toasted french fries when you do that.
Me: Huh.

I go, I come back, Eli runs up, hugs me and says....

"What smell did you get?" "You smells like chips now, Mommy."

Ahhh, the life of being a mommy.

A Tidbit of Advice...

Note to Self:

If you ever stay home with sick child again, do NOT watch a scary movie. Because just when you think they are still asleep and you happen to be doing laundry in the laundry room and walk out and see a small figure out of the corner of your eye you MIGHT just scream "GOD Fisher you scared the shit out of me!!!!" And said child might just scream back at you "GOD Mom, you scared the shit out of me too!!!"

He did say sorry. I did not get mad. We both laughed.