Tuesday, December 18, 2007

This One Goes Out to All My Little Teacher Friends

My first lesson in clouds...given to me by my EIGHT-YEAR-OLD!!
Don't laugh y'all...don't you dare. Well, okay - you can laugh, else what's this blog for anyway, right?

So, my friend Sonia...who was a 4th grade teacher way back when...well, she has this daughter Lauryn who is darn close to genious....mind you she IS an only child....mine would all be that smart too, if I could have had that much time to spend with the lot of them. ANYhoo, back to the story...Sonia is forever giving this genious of an almost 5-year-old the lessons that would give any almost-36-year-old a run for her money. Well, most of the time Sonia tries to give me some lessons too...it's a long running joke for her to look over at me and ask me what kinda clouds are in the sky. Yadda yadda yadda. I just look at her and say..."whatever, when in tarnation will I EVER need to know that?" Well.....let me just TELL you...that cloud bug bit me RIGHT in the rumpous yesterday!!!

This is how that lesson went:

Fisher: Hey Mommy, the clouds today were Cumulus.
Mommy: duhhhh duhhh duhhh blah duhhhhhhhh dummy me
Fisher: Did you know that Stratus clouds are when it's sunny outside and they sort of are similar to looking like a horse's tail??
Mommy: duhhhh duhhhh duhh blah duhhhh dummy ole mommy me
Fisher: And what other clouds are there Mommy? There's that one that starts with a C, what's it called?
Mommy: Nimbus, Rhombus?
Fisher: Mom, I SAID "C" and we ARE talking about clouds here...
Mommy: duhhhhhh duhhhh duhh blah duhhhhh dummy ole mommy me.."Go ask your dad".
Fisher: Daddy, do you know that name of the cloud that starts with a C?
Daddy Daddy Big Fat Baddy: That would be Cirrus, son.
Fisher: YEAH!!! That's it! SEE Mommy..toldja!! And you know what those remind us of? Cirrus clouds remind us of blankets in the sky.
Mommy: (Nothing said out loud, only in my head)

Huh. Three words...SO I'M DUMB Y'ALL....well that was four...see what I mean?

Friday, December 14, 2007

We Miss You Pop-Pop!!!

A Funny Fisher Story
Told by Charlie Meyer...aka Pop-Pop... (told one year ago, today on Thursday, December 14, 2006)

Last Thursday night, Fisher was sitting beside me in my chair and we were watching survivor. At a commercial break, He asked, real seriously "Pop-Pop—Do you have cancer?" I replied, "Fisher, I don't think so—but why do you ask?" Still serious, he said " Well all your hair is gone." I laughed and said—"It's just a lot of years of hard work"—and that I would explain it to him later.

Monday, December 10, 2007

I'm Sick As a Dog Y'all

Where did that saying come from? Are dogs all sick? Anyway...if it means something really bad, that's me. I've been sick for over a week!! I NEVER get sick. I gotta be a mommy...I don't have time for this weak stuff. I guess if it doesn't get better I outta go to the doctor tomorrow?

My old boss used to call me Typhoid (sp?) Annie. He said she walked around carrying the disease and killed tons of folks. Well, that's usually me alright. I walk around with everyone around me as sick as dogs...but I never get it. Hm.

But now, she got it, she sure do. Wish me luck. I'm going to bed so I can "sleep like a baby". Huh, that one never made sense to me either!!

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Rain Drops On Roses...

...and white fluffy kittens... HOW does that song go, Y'all? Anyway, I can't ever remember it, I just know I love it.

What I MIGHT not love is decorating the dadgum Christmas tree with three little boys. I have tried and tried and tried for a few years now. And bless my butt if it doesn't always end up in a wad of frustration. Please God, tell me I'm not the only high-maintenance, high-strung, high-anxiety mom out there? Please.

Anway, as if it wasn't enough that we did our tree, I promised Mom that I would help her with her tree. I'm not sure her new anti-depressant medication was enough to handle all that is my boys around Christmas tree decorating! I shall look back on this in a few years and laugh...heck it's just been a few hours and I'm already giggling.

Merry Christmas Folks and have a happy week. Only one more paycheck and 15 more days until Santa does his diddy-do. Good luck...the countdown begins!

Friday, December 7, 2007


It's a little place I live...it's called SmartAssVille. I can't complain really, since I am the queen and all, and they only learn from the queen, right? I've been stuck in Scrapbookland for a time, but now have returned to SmartAssVille...

Here are some prime examples of living in SmartAssVille:

SmartAssVille the "Fisher Russell Way": Mac went to Evant last weekend to go hunting. It was pretty much rainy the whole time. On Saturday Fisher said, "Mom, did Dad go hunting?" I said, "Yup." He walked over to the window and looked out and said..."Did he NOT listen to the weather at all?"

SmartAssVille the "Eli Russell Way" : While Eli and I were sitting in the living room the other day, Rusty our 2-year-old toy Australian Shepherd nipped at one of the puppies and the puppy yelped. I immediately grabbed the puppy up and said "RUSTY, WHAT DID YOU DO TO THIS BABY?" Eli looks over at me, rolls his eyes and says..."What, you think he can answer you? He IS a dog, Mom. He CAN'T talk".

SmartAssVille the "Sullivan Russell Way": Sullivan has been coloring so many pictures for me lately....just the other day he brought this one in to me:

He said to me...."Mommy, it's a picture of YOU!!" I said, "Oh, Sullivan it's so Beautiful." He stopped for a moment, got a sheepish grin on his face and said...."It's a picture of you if you were naked and you had your crazy hair!!" Then proceeded to laugh non-stop at my expense for many LONG minutes.

There is no hope for me in SmartAssVille. I just gotta kick up my heels and join in with the rest of the Russell Smart Asses. It's quite a fun time here in SmartAssVille, just let me know if you ever want to come visit...I'm sure we have a few surprises in store for you too!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Well....does it surprise you?

Guess who found her Rx ID Card? And just guess where it was? MMMMMhhhhmmmm.....in her big red wallet. (See blog below for further explanation of WHY this is so NOT funny!!)

Wow. Brilliant is a word that never comes to mind when I think of myself.

See, just shows you how much organization never works in my world.

Quit laughing, wouldja?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Don't Let The Bastards Get You Down

I know you've been there. 10 minutes before the pharmacy closes and you've gotta fill out all sorts of hooeymahgooey to get the sick kids medicine. Only to find out...OH, that son is no longer covered as of December 2006...has tha boy not been sick in a WHOLE ENTIRE year? Surely not. Surely not.

WHAT in tarnation are you trying to tell me you silly folks? I have an ID card right here that says effective January 2007. EiYiYi!!!!!

The sweetest nicest most patient pharmacy tech lady I've EVER dealt with in all of my old and wise 35 years helped me today. "Mrs. Russell...did you know you are now with Medco, not Cigna. You have a new ID card somewhere." You have GOT to be freaking kidding me....She has quite obviously not had the pleasure of gracing the hooplah I call "Homelife the Russell Way". First I've heard of this new Prescrption ID Card situation. To the best of my incredibly non-perceptive knowledge...I have never received an new ID card, and you know what? If I did...there aint a chance in Shinola I'm finding it any time soon. I've packed and unpacked and repacked my house 800 times since our world was rocked last April. One teeny tiny little Rx card, really? Seriously?

And just WHY do these sorts of things happen 10 minutes before the store closes? You know what that nice lady did for me? She stayed and talked to my STOOOOPID insurance company for 40 minutes after the Buda Pharmacy closed trying to get everything straight for me. What an incredible lady. I outta send her some flowers tomorrow. For every 5 turds in the world, there's one person that just shines like a diamond, dontcha agree?

So anyway....next time you're out there in the real world having a heckuva time just trying to get by, remember this saying "Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down..." One of my smartest friends ever in my life turned me on to that saying many years ago and it's been one I've tried to embrace and live by. Sometimes it starts to happen, but just remember, when you least expect it...there's a diamond that will shine through that big pile o' poo.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sometimes I think I'm a good mom...

Other days I turn the corner with the boys all dressed in their school duds and realize, I really have no idea how to be a mom at all. Yep, you got it...no school this past Wednesday. I vowed never to be THAT mom that got her kids all good and ready for school only to realize there was no school that day. "Mom, TOLDJA we were out of school for FIVE days!!" "Fisher, that'll do...I understand that now." I've GOT to start listening to the boy. Do you know how many organizational calendars I have? I guess they only work if you write the crum in them, huh?

Well, once I got past that debacle it was on to Turkey Day...must I really elaborate? MmmmKay, I will. All I have to say is it was quite a cold day inside Nonie's house with my three crazies and Mike Guihan (Uncle Tony's best friend) whoopin' and hollerin' and getting them all worked up to watch "Ras-lin". My only prayer is that when their teachers ask them what their favorite Thanksgiving moment was they don't say...watching the sexy girl wrestlers on tv with Mike. Did you catch the word "sexy"...yes, their new favorite word courtesy of Mikie. PLEASE...I don't ask for much, but I'm asking for this one to not be repeated at school.

No funny Russell stories for Friday...all was pretty quiet...but today was picture day and did any of you know that is only rains ONCE a year and that is when I dress my BOYS in white shirts and khaki pants. Bless my butt. We made it and got some good ones....but I think I've scarred my children for life. I think they will forver sit in the car with their hands in their laps facing forward and not even attempting to look outside the window. :O

Can't WAIT to see what Sunday has in store for us. Whew-wee God Bless Stay-at-home mommies...you folks are either saints or really "special" I haven't figured out which one yet.

Anyway, Happy Turkey Day Y'all. See ya soon, unless I explode from overdosing on food. Haven't quite reached my goal weight yet. I'm shooting for 300lbs...almost there.

Love to you all.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Mohawk Land

Am I going to hell because I let my kids have mohawks? No, it's doubtful. I'm SURE the "go directly to hell" ticket will be handed out because I let them go to school this morning with them. Eh...what's life if you can't shake up administration a bit here and there? Ha!

Speaking of shaking things up...have I told you the one about the psycho soccer coach and his psycho wife? If I turn up dead, you know where to look! I thought this hooey was only on Lifetime Real TV for women...good LAWD. I don't even need to write it all out...it's way too long to start from the beginning....let's just say it's just crazy I tell ya. Should you ever have the pleasure of having a child on a 3v3 tournament team...I hope you and your family don't have to endure ALL that is crazy - as we have. My biggest regret? They KNOW where I live....dun dun dunnnnn.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

She's a Beautiful Butterfly

Sitting here in my office this evening, I realize boys have opinions....even at the age of four. While trying to get in a little quality full-on ma-maw scrapbooking time, Sullivan decided to keep me company by sitting down to watch my little minus 10 inch television. At one point in time the noise of the almost-4-year-old seemed to come to an instant halt. Knowing that something wasn't right, I looked over at his rapidly widening eyes and then back at the tiny screen. What I saw was a Victoria's Secret Air Bra commercial. What Sullivan saw went like this:

Sullivan: "Mommy, she's so pretty."

Me: "Yes Sullivan, she sure is." (Fighting back the chuckle that was threatening to spew forth at any moment.)

Sullivan: "She's a beautiful butterfly (aka angel)Mommy."

Me: "Yes she is Sullivan."

Sullivan: "A beautiful butterly with boobies."

From down below in the "manland" world of football, came a rolling laugh from the father of the almost-4-year-old with man thoughts. 'Nuff said.....

Friday, November 16, 2007

The Tooth Fairy Story

Back by popular demand...and because I don't want to ever lose this story...I print it again on my blog. Laugh it up...everyone else has!!!

Okay....so this MIGHT just be the best story I've ever told - because I KNOW you all know me well enough to visualize just how this whole thing went down.

After Fisher lost his tooth on Sunday we all celebrated and did our little dances, yadda yadda. Well, then I had to make cookies for his class so I cleaned off the counters and got set to dive into that task. Fisher comes along to check out his tooth again..."Mom, where's my tooth?" "Well Fisher, where did you set it?" "Right here on the counter Mom".....ON THE FREAKING KITCHEN COUNTER HE SAID....did you all catch that? Well because I remember scraping off the candy corn that had been laying there, and I remember seeing the white top of one and well....it really wasn't the top of a piece of candy corn....it was the poor childs freaking tooth. So, after digging through the entire OVERFLOWING trash bag....I found no Fisher baby tooth. After many many tears I had to explain to Fisher that the Tooth Fairy is magic and she knows when all kids loose their teeth, we just had to write her a letter explaining why the tooth was missing from his Tooth Fairy Pillow!!! God Bless us. So, word for freaking word, this is what Fisher's note says: Dear Tooth Fairy, my mom threw my tooth in the trash because she thought it was a piece of candy. Love Fisher. Then he writes this line - Name_____________ Because he wants her to sign it.

Okay good, fine.....we're on the road to dollar bills from the freaking Tooth Fairy.

Fisher is so ramped up and so pumped full of adrenaline about this fairy chick sneaking in his window that he won't go to sleep. So....about midnight I decide that he is FINALLY asleep. I sneak in and sprinkle the "magic fairy dust" (aka glitter) from his window all the way over to his nightstand where the tooth fairy pillow lay. Fisher sits STRAIGHT up in bed, Mom drops to the floor "BOOM". While I'm laying there, Fisher crawls to the end of the bed and says "Hey Mom. What are you doing down there"? "I'm looking for your dirty clothes Fisher." Mind you I'm flat out on the floor with my face straight down in the carpet trying my hardest not to die laughing. Fisher of COURSE has to check out the Tooth Fairy situation. "OH COOL MOM, she's been here, her magic dust is everywhere". "Look, she dropped her whole entire bag of magic dust on the floor." "Hmmmm...she didn't leave me any money." Where I had to THEN procede to pull the cash out of my back pocket and say....get this, you're gonna love this part..."Yes, she did Fisher, you caught me, I was just counting it to see how much she had left you." Fisher all of a sudden gets this look on his face, "Hey Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real"? Good lord have mercy. "Yes Fisher, go to bed." "Okay Mom."

I snuck in a little later to leave a note from the Tooth Fairy (me writing with my left hand which took 20 minutes...you're remembering what time it is, right?) and said....Dear Fisher...your mom asked me to please come back to your house to let you know that I found your tooth and will keep it very safe with me. Remember to be good. Love, Miranda the Tooth Fairy - P.S. I hope you loose your other tooth very soon.

The next morning Fisher asks again why I was in his room, why did I have his money in my pocket and why didn't he hear or see the tooth fairy. Once again I said that I was looking for his dirty clothes, I was counting his money to make sure she left the right amount and the tooth fairy is teeny tiny and we can't see her, because if we open our eyes, she disapears. I don't know if he bought any of it, but he's going along with me for the time being. And the BEST part of all of this story is...can't you all just SEE the look on Mac's face when I'm fumbling through my explanations all by my teeny tiny fairy self?

Thanks for reading my story, I sure thought it was too funny to keep it to myself.

Have a great Wednesday....and wish me luck that the Tooth Fairy can pull off her business tonight without a hitch!!

~ Tina Russell

Have you ever heard of West Texas, Y'all?

Surely you've heard of Fort Davis, Texas? It's this little place my husband likes to call his "true home". Well, let me just tell you...14 1/4 years ago I discovered that not only are tumbleweed "for real y'all", but there are such things as Prairie Dogs and Dust storms too. But NEVER and I mean NEVER in my life have I fallen witness to something that happened in my own yard last Saturday.

We casually sat bar-b-que'ing with my cousin, her husband and our combined total of six kids (and that's only because the other three were at their "other" parents houses). Let me just give you a visual of the scene that played out. I'm sure there will forever be a most memorable impression on my neighbors minds, so I feel the need to pass it along...no need to keep it to myself! Okay....so back to the scene. As IF the six kiddos...still in their diapers, pjs, spit baths, bare feet and dirty faces weren't enough and as if us bar-b-que'ing in our FRONT yard wasn't enough...and as if the music spewing from my garage (which you can't walk thru) wasn't enough.... my sweet yet never-a-dull-moment husband decides to spring on us a little bit of what he has belovedly named his West Texas Engineering. It had been quite the windy day and the kids were enjoying a little kite flying in the front yard. Well.....I just don't think words can even describe what happened next....

I mean really....have you ever seen such a thing? Almost 15 years with the man and I continue to be surprised. He absolutely 100% cracks me up STILL after all this time. What would I do without him in my life? Just when I think that maybe this whole thing we call life MIGHT start to get a little mudane and boring, I remember who I am married to and that I have found a partner in life that will bring joy, laughter and a smile at just the right times...

Years Later...She discovers blogging...

So, I've been told for years that I either need to write a book, or start a blog. Who cares if I'm only a decade behind the "trend". Never too late to hop on and enjoy the ride, dontcha think?

I don't attribute my funny little stories to the profound ability to write, but yet to the plethera of material I call my three boys. After one of my little Sullivan's funny stories yesterday I sincerely said to him..."What in the world would I do without you, I would have NO funny stories." And here you have it folks....

Jump on, enjoy the ride and laugh a little, because I sure do.